As
time goes by often it has been observed that in life people have the tendency
to make assumptions, process also known as “psychological projection” or
sometimes called the “Freudian projection”.
The well known theory of psychological projection was developed by Sigmund Freud, also
known as the “father of psychoanalysis.” According to him, when such projections are made, a great deal of human emotions are projected onto other people so they become the carriers of our personal feelings, which through emotional displacement makes it easier on us. As
a result of externalizing our emotions and perceiving them in others, we
continue with life, often creating an image which is not a real reflection of
the true self.
Psychological
projection is one of many defense mechanisms people engage in on a regular
basis.
An
instance of projection that most people can relate to is when they come across
someone they don’t like, but they are forced by circumstances to interact with
on a somewhat-polite level.
Covering
up our feelings or emotions instead of coming to terms with them is unhealthy
and could impact many aspects of life.
Examining in a very objective manner all the negative relationships one would
have and clearly determining where it all began could bring along a great deal
of understanding. Once you detach from it you can better see it; once you see
it, once you understand it then you can apply a large array of modalities in
order to bring upon all involved waves of lasting peace.
Further
on this topic, recently I came across this interesting article, which I find
worth sharing further, so please enjoy the reading below!
ARTICLE:
~ Few excerpts ~
About
personal accountability
What are personal boundaries and what is projection?
The definition of personal boundaries: “Everything I
think, feel, say or do belongs to me. I am responsible for all of it.”
Now, with this understanding of personal boundaries,
basically projection is this: If I am feeling a negative (or positive) emotion and try to blame you for what I’m feeling,
thinking, saying or doing, then I am projecting my “stuff” onto you.
Generally, when we don't accept personal accountability
for our feelings we judge others for doing things that we felt shame of doing
in our past. We project our feelings of shame onto the other person and try to
identify THEM as “bad” or “wrong” in a futile attempt to shield ourselves from
our own shame and pain.
Sometimes we project our good feelings too
Another way we commonly project is to mistakenly believe
that another person is the source of love and wellbeing for us. […] This
happens quite frequently in the “honeymoon” phase of a romantic relationship.
We meet someone who “sees” us and they shine their attention on us and it feels
great! We feel special and desirable. This can produce a “high” like no other
drug on earth. However, what goes up eventually comes down. Another person
can’t keep that kind of attention going for us 24/7 and then we feel withdrawal
from the drug when they withdraw it. The only way we can receive ongoing, deep
and true love is to take personal accountability for our own connection to the true
root of happiness. [...] Once we do that we feel and see it reflected
everywhere and in everyone, whether someone else is directing attention toward
us or not.
How we hurt ourselves when we give up personal accountability for our feelings
If I don't accept personal accountability for my own
feelings and project them onto you, I deny myself access to a precious opportunity
for healing my own unconscious wounds that are covered up by the projection.
You may have TRIGGERED an emotional response from me, but I am responsible for
owning and healing the place in me that was triggered by what you said or did. So,
personal accountability sounds pretty clear and straightforward, right? It is,
until we are triggered. Then, when our hurts and wounds are running the show it
is really easy to lose sight of this and blame another person for what we feel.
When we decline personal accountability and project, we not only miss an
opportunity for our own healing, but we wreak all kinds of havoc with our
relationships.
How do we project?
We give up personal accountability and play
the blame game of projection in very creative ways, by:
• Attacking the other person. When our
wounds are triggered, WE feel attacked and it can feel like attacking back is
justified.
• Pretending to not be angry and trying to
convince the other person that THEY are the ones who are angry.
• Admitting to the other person we are
angry, but blaming them as the CAUSE of our anger.
• Trying to “fix” or change the other
person so that we won’t have to feel the pain of our own wound.
• Shaming the other person so we don’t have
to feel our own shame that comes from believing an erroneous self-concept of
ourselves.
• Withdrawing from the other person while
blaming them for our upset.
• Depending on another person for our own
wellbeing and attributing our experience of love to them.
Why do we project?
• It is what most of us have been “trained”
to do. Generally, it was what was modeled for us as acceptable behavior when we
were children.
• At the core of all projection is an
intense fear that we are unconsciously or consciously trying to avoid. As
children, many of us experienced ridicule, ostracism, shame or sometimes
punished for whatever our caregivers labeled as “wrong.” Therefore,
instinctively we think we are wrong or “bad” when negative feelings arise. And
because there is a conscious or unconscious fear of being punished, this part
of our psyche gives up personal accountability and says, “No way I’m going to admit to having a problem over here. Quick… Let’s
blame it on the other guy!”
• Projection is a denial mechanism. When we
focus on the “other” person, it is a (usually
unconscious) attempt to keep us from feeling the intensity of our own
wounds.
Healing can only happen when we take individual responsibility for our feelings
If we decline to follow the ingrained blame
game habit to fix, judge, blame or attack someone else and consciously take
personal accountability for what we're experiencing, it brings our attention back
to ourselves, where we most need it.
Personal boundaries and “processing”
Remember the previous description of
personal boundaries: I am responsible for my thoughts, feelings, words, and
actions, and you are responsible for your thoughts, feelings, words, and
actions.
When we’re triggered by an experience with
another person, our healing and wellbeing doesn’t lie in processing with the
other person about their behavior and our reaction to it. Whatever we’re
feeling is our individual responsibility. We must accept personal
accountability for all of it. This is a powerful truth to let in and work with.
This could quite possibly be a lifelong
learning for us all.
When your emotional pain is triggered by
someone else, what would be most valuable to you is to FIRST be with yourself,
make space within for what you are feeling and start the emotional healing
process for personal accountability.
All relationships are mirrors
As we practice personal accountability for
our own feelings, we discover that we love others exactly the way we love
ourselves. If I’m judging, blaming and attacking you, it is because I’m
judging, blaming and attacking myself. If I’m struggling to love you, then I’m
having a hard time loving the part of me that you reflect to me.
Unwinding the blame game with personal accountability for our emotional healing
- When you notice you’re feeling “off,”
identify your judgments of the other person.
- Forgive yourself for having the judgment.
- Realize that ALL judgments are inaccurate
and subjective.
- Take responsibility for the judgment by realizing
it is about yourself, not the other person.
- Realize that your judgment about yourself
isn’t true either, just as it wasn’t true about the other person.
- Feel the core fear behind the
self-judgment.
- Bring love, compassion, understanding and
forgiveness to the fear / hurt child within yourself.
- Thank the other person (either face-to-face or silently within)
for bringing your wound to your attention so that you can heal it. Be willing
to forgive them.
Don’t take
anything personally, because what other say or do is only a projection of their own
perception.
