Importance of FRIENDSHIP

Over time, a lot has been said about friendship – how beautiful, important, nourishing and inspiring it could be, but what friendship really is? Definitively, something hard to define in a more or less concise sentence. 

According to a number of reputable academic fields (such are communication, sociology, social psychology, anthropology and philosophy), the most accepted explanation of friendship is basically a long lasting and bonding relationship based on mutual affection, respect, loyalty, altruistic love & trust between people.

Aristotle (the Greek philosopher and polymath during the Classical period of Ancient Greece, who was taught by Plato, and who was the founder of the Lyceum, the Peripatetic school of philosophy, and the Aristotelian tradition), classified friendship in three types: those based on utility (which is the most common one, and occurs when people associate for their mutual usefulness), those based on pleasure or delight and those grounded in virtue.
Further on this, there are several stages of friendship, and these are: stranger, acquaintance, casual friend, close friend, and intimate friend.

We all know that developing and maintaining friendships could take a lot of time and effort, but we still put the work into it because we all enjoy spending time with happy and positive friends. Aside of that, having an active social life is reducing isolation, which in essence is a major contributing factor to depression. The current worldwide crisis clearly emphasized how difficult it could be for people to deal with a variety of challenges being in complete solitude.

Many studies as well as life in itself have shown us all that friendships could help people to better deal with stressful situations, make wiser lifestyle choices which keep them stronger, allow a faster rebound from health issues and diseases, and could have a major impact on mental health. Good friends could encourage us when we feel weak, they stand by our side consistently and loyally, they are reliable and inspiring. Aside of that, good friends may give us advice we might not want to hear from time to time but will never lead us purposely down the wrong path, would accept us for who we are (during good and difficult times), and are honest enough to kindly tell us clearly when we are not being  good friends ourselves.  We all love to have good friends and without any doubt, spending time with benevolent people could significantly improve for good any life perspective.  

Out of pure interest, over time, I’ve read, studied and researched a lot of materials and academic papers written on relationships – how to build them, how to identify their quality, how to recognize what really dwells behind a smile, and so on.  

On this quick briefing, for your convenience, below I’m listing few concise tips I came across, extracted from a number of studies or from the extensive research work done by reputable institutions.

Some additional benefits of friendship

- Improve your mood & could help you reach your goals faster │ - Reduce stress and depression  │ - Assist you through difficult times 
- Support you as you age & boost your self-worth

Indicators of good friends (signs of healthy friendships)

- They are honest (the most important quality) – a good friend will kindly tell you the truth, even if you don’t like it

- They are accepting (good friends accept you for who you are)

- They are loyal (friends stick around during good times and the bad ones)

- They are non-judgmental, polite and kind │ - They are respectful and trustworthy

- True friends will make time to see you, not always finding excuses of how busy they are and how many things are happening in their lives (like in yours nothing is happening and you just have zero to do)

- They encourage you to achieve your goals & support your projects │  - They sincerely celebrate life with you

Indicators of fake friends (distinct signs of toxic friendships)

- They call only when they want something │ - They criticize you behind your back (they spread rumor & gossip)

- They exclude you from activities with mutual friends │ - They put you down or make fun of you in front of others  
- They don't listen and make funny faces when you talk, always interrupt you and focus group attention toward them (they are always attention grabbers)

- They aren't happy for you when good things happen (they envy your success and happiness) │ - They have a passive-aggressive behavior toward you

- They bring drama into your life │ - They use your secrets against you and share them

- The conversation is never equal (they mostly talk about themselves) │  - Your relationship feels like it's built on conditionality │ - They bail on you
- They are aggressively competitive │ - You feel bad about yourself when you've spent time with them

- They are a bad influence and make you do things that get you into trouble │ - They talk about their other friends behind their back

- They are absent or super busy when you need them (they just disappear when you need them)

- They only know you on a superficial level │  - They hold grudges and never forget (or let you forget)

Indicators that someone is distancing from you (subtle or less subtle)

- They don’t seem as interested in your life anymore │ - They are not inviting you to their parties or to other significant events from their lives

- They are no longer opening up to you │ - They keep making excuses when you ask them to spend time together

- They are constantly arguing or complaining │ - They seem quiet whenever you are together │ - They are avoiding you

Indicators that somebody doesn't like you (signs that someone is not seeking your friendship)

- Such people are polite, but keep their distance │ - They don’t get enthusiastic about the things you have in common

- They do not return your calls or emails in a timely fashion (or at all) │ - They are hard to pin down when you suggest to spend time together

- They close themselves off with their body language │ - They are not offering you a sincere smile

- They don’t mirror you │ - They don’t look into your eyes & they never listen  │ - You just feel it in your gut

When you should stop a friendship?

- When you're exhausted from hearing always, only, about their drama │ - When they don’t value you or your time

- When they don't put effort at all into your relationship with them │ - When they don't respect your boundaries

- When the relationship brings you negativity instead of joy │ - When the friendship hinders your growth │ - When the conversation is only about them 
- When they take financial advantage of you │ - When they jeopardize your well-being │ - When you have different moral compasses

- When they don’t take care of themselves without your help │ - When they became bitter and hostile toward you

Suggestions on how you can be a better friend yourself
- Focus on them and less on you │ - Be honest  │ - Pay attention and listen │ - Be emphatic │ - Be present and make time to see them │ - Be trusting 
- Don’t talk about them behind their back │ - Be encouraging and supportive │ - Say you are sorry if you did some wrong 

- Check up on them regularly │ - Walk the extra mile for them │- Help them with their goals if they ask for a hand │ - Validate them

- Let them know how much you appreciate them │ - Be grateful they are part of your life │ - Tell them when you are upset  │ - Respect boundaries
- Be understanding, flexible and forgiving  │ - Try to get to know their other friends │ - Be supportive in their relationships │ - Keep your promises 

Suggestions on how you can make new friends

- Accept invitations to go out to social gatherings │ - Be open minded │ - Look for opportunities to talk to people │ - Be yourself 
- Volunteer for a cause you care about │ - Make eye contact and smile │ - Be friendly and positive │ - Have good conversational skills │ - Pursue common interests

- Invite them out for lunch or coffee │ - Put in your share of work and keep the friendship going │ - Choose your friends wisely

Dear ones, friendships are important! We all love to meet kind people and develop quality connections, and the great thing about friendships is that there is no single way to have or be a friend, but please remember that good friendships don’t just happen out of the blue; beside of all the “requirements” and attributes mentioned above, building lasting friendships entail discipline, a caring attitude, impeccable intentions and a positive mind set.

Maintaining a rich network of positive friends could add significant years to our lives. So, whatever your age or circumstances might be, there is never too late to make new friends or to reconnect with the old ones, because this could greatly improve our social life, emotional health and overall well-being.

The best therapy in the world is time spent together with good friends.