Importance of FRIENDSHIP

Over time, a lot has been said about friendship – how beautiful, important, nourishing and inspiring it could be, but what friendship really is? Definitively, something hard to define in a more or less concise sentence. 

According to a number of reputable academic fields (such are communication, sociology, social psychology, anthropology and philosophy), the most accepted explanation of friendship is basically a long lasting and bonding relationship based on mutual affection, respect, loyalty, altruistic love & trust between people.

Aristotle (the Greek philosopher and polymath during the Classical period of Ancient Greece, who was taught by Plato, and who was the founder of the Lyceum, the Peripatetic school of philosophy, and the Aristotelian tradition), classified friendship in three types: those based on utility (which is the most common one, and occurs when people associate for their mutual usefulness), those based on pleasure or delight and those grounded in virtue.
Further on this, there are several stages of friendship, and these are: stranger, acquaintance, casual friend, close friend, and intimate friend.

We all know that developing and maintaining friendships could take a lot of time and effort, but we still put the work into it because we all enjoy spending time with happy and positive friends. Aside of that, having an active social life is reducing isolation, which in essence is a major contributing factor to depression. The current worldwide crisis clearly emphasized how difficult it could be for people to deal with a variety of challenges being in complete solitude.

Many studies as well as life in itself have shown us all that friendships could help people to better deal with stressful situations, make wiser lifestyle choices which keep them stronger, allow a faster rebound from health issues and diseases, and could have a major impact on mental health. Good friends could encourage us when we feel weak, they stand by our side consistently and loyally, they are reliable and inspiring. Aside of that, good friends may give us advice we might not want to hear from time to time but will never lead us purposely down the wrong path, would accept us for who we are (during good and difficult times), and are honest enough to kindly tell us clearly when we are not being  good friends ourselves.  We all love to have good friends and without any doubt, spending time with benevolent people could significantly improve for good any life perspective.  

Out of pure interest, over time, I’ve read, studied and researched a lot of materials and academic papers written on relationships – how to build them, how to identify their quality, how to recognize what really dwells behind a smile, and so on.  

On this quick briefing, for your convenience, below I’m listing few concise tips I came across, extracted from a number of studies or from the extensive research work done by reputable institutions.

Some additional benefits of friendship

- Improve your mood & could help you reach your goals faster │ - Reduce stress and depression  │ - Assist you through difficult times 
- Support you as you age & boost your self-worth

Indicators of good friends (signs of healthy friendships)

- They are honest (the most important quality) – a good friend will kindly tell you the truth, even if you don’t like it

- They are accepting (good friends accept you for who you are)

- They are loyal (friends stick around during good times and the bad ones)

- They are non-judgmental, polite and kind │ - They are respectful and trustworthy

- True friends will make time to see you, not always finding excuses of how busy they are and how many things are happening in their lives (like in yours nothing is happening and you just have zero to do)

- They encourage you to achieve your goals & support your projects │  - They sincerely celebrate life with you

Indicators of fake friends (distinct signs of toxic friendships)

- They call only when they want something │ - They criticize you behind your back (they spread rumor & gossip)

- They exclude you from activities with mutual friends │ - They put you down or make fun of you in front of others  
- They don't listen and make funny faces when you talk, always interrupt you and focus group attention toward them (they are always attention grabbers)

- They aren't happy for you when good things happen (they envy your success and happiness) │ - They have a passive-aggressive behavior toward you

- They bring drama into your life │ - They use your secrets against you and share them

- The conversation is never equal (they mostly talk about themselves) │  - Your relationship feels like it's built on conditionality │ - They bail on you
- They are aggressively competitive │ - You feel bad about yourself when you've spent time with them

- They are a bad influence and make you do things that get you into trouble │ - They talk about their other friends behind their back

- They are absent or super busy when you need them (they just disappear when you need them)

- They only know you on a superficial level │  - They hold grudges and never forget (or let you forget)

Indicators that someone is distancing from you (subtle or less subtle)

- They don’t seem as interested in your life anymore │ - They are not inviting you to their parties or to other significant events from their lives

- They are no longer opening up to you │ - They keep making excuses when you ask them to spend time together

- They are constantly arguing or complaining │ - They seem quiet whenever you are together │ - They are avoiding you

Indicators that somebody doesn't like you (signs that someone is not seeking your friendship)

- Such people are polite, but keep their distance │ - They don’t get enthusiastic about the things you have in common

- They do not return your calls or emails in a timely fashion (or at all) │ - They are hard to pin down when you suggest to spend time together

- They close themselves off with their body language │ - They are not offering you a sincere smile

- They don’t mirror you │ - They don’t look into your eyes & they never listen  │ - You just feel it in your gut

When you should stop a friendship?

- When you're exhausted from hearing always, only, about their drama │ - When they don’t value you or your time

- When they don't put effort at all into your relationship with them │ - When they don't respect your boundaries

- When the relationship brings you negativity instead of joy │ - When the friendship hinders your growth │ - When the conversation is only about them 
- When they take financial advantage of you │ - When they jeopardize your well-being │ - When you have different moral compasses

- When they don’t take care of themselves without your help │ - When they became bitter and hostile toward you

Suggestions on how you can be a better friend yourself
- Focus on them and less on you │ - Be honest  │ - Pay attention and listen │ - Be emphatic │ - Be present and make time to see them │ - Be trusting 
- Don’t talk about them behind their back │ - Be encouraging and supportive │ - Say you are sorry if you did some wrong 

- Check up on them regularly │ - Walk the extra mile for them │- Help them with their goals if they ask for a hand │ - Validate them

- Let them know how much you appreciate them │ - Be grateful they are part of your life │ - Tell them when you are upset  │ - Respect boundaries
- Be understanding, flexible and forgiving  │ - Try to get to know their other friends │ - Be supportive in their relationships │ - Keep your promises 

Suggestions on how you can make new friends

- Accept invitations to go out to social gatherings │ - Be open minded │ - Look for opportunities to talk to people │ - Be yourself 
- Volunteer for a cause you care about │ - Make eye contact and smile │ - Be friendly and positive │ - Have good conversational skills │ - Pursue common interests

- Invite them out for lunch or coffee │ - Put in your share of work and keep the friendship going │ - Choose your friends wisely

Dear ones, friendships are important! We all love to meet kind people and develop quality connections, and the great thing about friendships is that there is no single way to have or be a friend, but please remember that good friendships don’t just happen out of the blue; beside of all the “requirements” and attributes mentioned above, building lasting friendships entail discipline, a caring attitude, impeccable intentions and a positive mind set.

Maintaining a rich network of positive friends could add significant years to our lives. So, whatever your age or circumstances might be, there is never too late to make new friends or to reconnect with the old ones, because this could greatly improve our social life, emotional health and overall well-being.

The best therapy in the world is time spent together with good friends.

2 Years Anniversary of ALICE & Friends Circle™

A literary evening celebrating the 2^nd Year Anniversary of ALICE & Friends Circle™ 

as well as Spring, Friendship, Hope...and Mother's Day 

Given that the entire world these days is still facing an unprecedented situation, on Monday (May 4, 2020) I organized a teleconferenced gathering together with a small group of loyal friends so we could celebrate together the 2^nd anniversary of “Alice & Friends Circle” as well as few other subjects.

Definitively it was different that I would’ve imagine happening, but I was glad we were able to connect with the available ones and have some heart to heart talks.  

Before the theme of the evening was fully approached, I was presenting my guests with a well-known Romanian composition called “Balada” (by Ciprian Porumbescu). We all love Porumbescu’s music, and no matter how many times we listen to it, the notes still bring upon our hearts lasting peace and a special joy, which re-connects us with our roots. 

Further, the program of the evening continued with a number of personal impressions, sonnets, poems (personal compositions or written by renowned poets), legendary quotes issued by famous thinkers, as well as life stories and memories from the recent or from the distant past.

Also, while at this point, I would like to emphasize yet again (as I’ve done many times before) the importance of communication (in any way, shape or form we could afford it) as it brings people together, closer to each other, while bridging the gap (between them) and at the same time allowing the flow of information and understanding to occur freely (of course, between them).

Now, back to our gathering, just to give you a general idea about the discussions in focus, below I will enumerate several points:

Our dear friend Dorina recited the sonnet called “A revenit frumoasa primavara”, by Alexandru Vlahuta (published in comments section), followed by Teodor (who recited several personal compositions, and some of them are called  “Craiasa Primavara”, “Paste”, “Invierea” & few more – some are published in comments section) and then Ileana shared with us the poem “Primavara” (by George Toparceanu – also, published in comments section). Few other friends shared personal stories featuring the relevance of spring – in their hearts, lives, perception/s & experiences. After that, I presented my guests with another well-known musical composition, called “E primavara, iarasi primavara” (interpreted by Tudor Gheorghe). Needless to say that shortly after our imagination spread its wings far and wide, bringing back to us dear old memories filled with the refreshing fragrance of the spring flowers, the way we know them.  

Well, this segment of our discussion brought in focus several important aspects, acknowledging how important, rare and noble the true friendship really is, as well as a brief comparative analysis of friendship/s vis-à-vis of the current pandemic and planetary shutdown. Without any doubt, we all agreed that in general, friendships bring more meaning and make our lives more beautiful! 
Some of the related poems are published in comments section.

The conversation gravitating around hope truly emphasized how important it is for each of us not to lose it. You know, even when the sun goes down, stars would still come out. The trying times the entire humanity is going through these days are totally unexpected, but none of us should abandon hope. Once you choose hope, anything is possible!

At this point, I was happy to present my guests with another song, which we all love so dearly, called “Strada sperantei” (interpreted by Corina Chiriac).

As we all know, soon, on this part of the world, people will celebrate Mother’s Day, fact which allowed us to comment on the occasion ahead of time, while honoring each of our mothers. A lot has been shared, a lot has been said and due to the privacy matter I won’t go into specific or personal details, but I just simply want you to be reminded that no matter the age you reach in life, a mother is the only person on Earth who can divide her love among all her children (regardless of age) and each of them still have all her love! There is no role in life that’s more essential than of a mother, and her love will never end - it is there from the beginning, and it will last until the end. Indeed, a mother is a walking miracle! Those friends whose mothers are still alive, are truly blessed! For others, whose mothers departed, we would always honor them to the best that we each can.

After we all finished commenting about our mothers, I was glad to share with the group another well-known song we all love, called “Măicuţă, îţi mulţumesc!” (interpreted by Dan Spătaru).

The time we spent together flew by very quickly and brought back to each of us tons of precious memories! As I’ve already mentioned (few times by now) the given current world-wide shutdown, we couldn’t celebrate this anniversary like we would’ve done otherwise (with festive cake & champagne), but we all agreed to save these treats for the next time we would be able to meet in person. We wrapped up the evening with good cheers, closing with another song, very near and dear to our hearts, called “Veniti, privighetoarea canta” (interpreted by Mirabela Dauer).

Once again, dear friends, many thanks to each of you for being able to join me at this festive time. An anniversary is an occasion to celebrate the joys of today, the memories of the past time spent together and all the hopes for the future. Until next time, my best wishes to each of you!
With much appreciation,
Alice

Mesaj personal din partea lui Alice, adresat la ceas aniversar

Dragii mei,
Si cu aceasta ocazie aduc calde multumiri tuturor celor care au putut participa la intalnirea noastra aniversara!

Implinirea a 2 ani de la nasterea initiativei ALICE & Friends Circle™   este importanta pentru mine si pentru concept in sine, dat fiind ca se petrece intr-un mediu nu neaparat super prietenos….cu toate ca in general romanii au un potential absolut extraordinar, din multe puncte de vedere, totusi noi cu totii stim foarte bine cat de greu se incropesc cu unii dintre ei proiecte comunitare armonioase, pozitive, echilibrate si de durata pe aceste meleaguri.

Faptul ca noi am rezistat 2 ani pe aici, in aceasta formula, este super incurajator si multumesc fiecarui participant pentru sprijinul acordat! Am ajuns pana aici impeuna si mi-a facut o placere absolut deosebita sa exprim acest lucru in plen.
De asemenea, teleconferinta nu este neaparat modul meu favorit de conectare, dar date fiind circumstantele prin care suntem cu totii nevoiti sa trecem am apelat la aceasta alternativa. Este un gen diferit de comunicare, dar totusi o comunicare ce pana la urma reuseste sa transmita ceva….cum ziceam, nu este ideal, dar nici neaparat gol, fad, rece si distant...asa cum este (totusi) ajuta continuitatea si in opinia mea acest lucru conteaza…. nici soarele nu straluceste mereu cu aceeasi caldura / intensitate dar chiar si cea mai pala raza cand o simtim ca ajunge pana la noi ne bucura.  Pe de alta parte, daca mesajul (indiferent cat este el de elaborat sau sumar) pleaca din suflet cu siguranta va ajunge la un alt suflet, acoperind o alta fateta importanta a relatiilor inter-umane. 
Deci, inca odata, dragii mei, SINCERE MULTUMIRI pentru neintrerupta sustinere, participare si colaborare! 
In continuare va doresc numai bine, sanatate, pace si bucurii alaturi de toti cei dragi voua, cat si o primavara calda, inmiresmata si linistita! 

Cu multa apreciere,
Alice
 “Let the beauty of what you love be what you do.” AliceFriendsCircle.blogspot.com

“One of the most beautiful qualities of true friendship is to understand and to be understood.” (Seneca)

This event has been delivered in Romanian Language, featuring Romanian culture. 

● A previous anniversary of ALICE & Friends Circle™ – 2019
NOTE: Dear readers, please be advised that on this website each of the previous postings, pertaining to the recurrent annual themes, portray a different perspective of the subject/s presented (same theme/s, but a different outlook without duplication due to the cultural richness of the specific topic/s discussed). 

April 22, 2020: INTERNATIONAL EARTH Day

Humanity was always passionate to understand how Earth came into existence, how the entire flora and fauna emerged, and how everything is co-existing in such a balanced manner. Needless to mention, that’s truly fascinating of how Earth is giving us all the resources needed to survive and evolve, encompassing the entire spectrum: from a small flower to a big tree, from a small bug to a giant elephant, and on top of that the multitude of human beings…to each and every life, Earth is offering the necessary resources to nurture, grow and develop. Unfortunately, human being’s greed perturbed the balance of our Earth. The exhaustion of natural resources, colossal level of pollution, and deforestation have rattled the health of Earth and its resources beyond any repair. If the pivotal actions are not taken within reasonable time, things will really go out of hand. 

earth day commenced in 1970 (initially proposed at UNESCO convention in 1969), and currently, this day is celebrated by more than 193 nations of the world.
International earth day is all about rising world’s citizens together to discuss the most challenging issues humanity is facing and finding the most ingenious and sustainable solutions to overcome the existing challenges. On every celebration (each year) a unique and quintessential theme is picked up that covers the challenges humanity faces.

The International earth day 2020 marks the 50 years anniversary of this initiative and the theme is climate action. Currently, the climate change of Earth is the most uphill task to be concerned about and overcome. Small actions, big meaning...protect nature, preserve life! 

Treat the Earth as if your life depends upon it. (Genesis 2:15)

PS

"Nature is speaking" (video)

Given the current world wide situation, I find appropriate to share here a text (which lately has been circulated extensively on many social media platforms), worth paying attention to:

“We fell asleep in one world, and we awoke into another. Suddenly, Disney has lost its magic, Paris is no longer romantic, New York is no longer standing, the Chinese Wall is no longer a fortress, and Mecca is empty.
Hugs and kisses have become weapons, and not to visit your parents and friends become an act of love. Suddenly you realize that power, beauty and money have no value and can’t offer you the oxygen you struggle for.
The planet continues its life and is still beautiful. Only people are put in cages. I think we are sent a message: «You are not really needed. The air, the Earth, the water and the sky are fine. When you return, remember that you are my guests, not my masters.»”

● A previous post on the same theme: INTERNATIONAL EARTH Day – 2019