The peculiarity of RESILIENCE

We all know that people who remain calm while facing difficulties in life have outstanding resilience, which is based on strong coping skills and the capability to find creative ways in order to manage the situation/s they are encountering. 

It has been noticed that resilience is not necessarily a matter of chance, but rather a matter of informed choice and determination, where the mental, the emotional and the physical bodies “collaborate” well in order to properly handle adversity and triumph in the midst of hard times.

        When we talk to people who have shown exceptional resilience, it is clear that they often have cultivated & maintained authentic connections that come from many parts of their life — not only through work, but through athletic pursuits, volunteer activities, civic or religious communities, book or dinner clubs, communities of parents they’ve met through their children, and so on. Interactions with these spheres provide a critical “dimensionality”, while broadening their identity & “opening the aperture” on how they look at their lives; people become more (or less) resilient through interactions with others.

        While at this point, a good question to ask yourself could be: are my existing relationships broad and deep enough in order to be able to support me if I might face difficulties in life?....definitively, a question worth pondering upon...

        According to scholars, there are few types of resilience, such as: psychological resilience (which is the ability to overcome adversity and persevere in spite of circumstances), social resilience (which is the capacity for communities to maintain their connections after an event or disaster, for example), or resilience in natural systems (such as trees that are able to survive under harsh weather conditions).

        Extensive research papers give the following reasons whey resilience is more important than ever, and here are few key points to consider:   

“The first is that humans are evolving, which means that, as a species, we are becoming more and more resilient.

The second is that things, like work, relationships, and families, are becoming more and more challenging.

The third is that our brains aren’t equipped to handle the changing times; for instance, our ability to learn has declined.

The fourth factor that is changing and weakening our mental reserves is the rate at which we are growing.

The fifth factor that is contributing to the weakness of our brains is stress which is a physical process.”

        As we each progress with our lives, it is crucial to understand that resilience is vital in being able to bounce back when we face difficulties, otherwise our health could be affected. Resilience does not mean that you have to stay in the middle of a hurricane; it’s something you can cultivate in your life to help you live happier, healthier and longer. Nowadays, resilience has become somewhat of a buzzword, and the trait in itself allows you to push through struggles and difficulties and to continue to have a good life.

        In order to further develop our resilience it is important to take steps to reduce the stress and anxiety (and out there it is a lot of reading about this).

        Closing here my brief dissertation, I truly believe that people need to work on building resilience every day, and the more you work on it, the better you become at handling difficult situations. Focusing on the present rather than dwelling on the past, worrying less about the future, being more thankful, being more active, exploring nature, sleeping and eating well, having good friends, and so on are only few simple things everyone can do every single day, with amazing results! It is true that it takes a lot of work, perseverance and discipline to go through the entire process, but in the end it is truly worth it….try it…

“When we learn how to become resilient, we learn how to embrace the broad spectrum of human experience.“

POEM: "Each life converges to some centre"

This beautiful poem, written by Emily Dickinson, suggests that every human being in life has a destination or a particular goal s/he is striving to achieve, while “acknowledging the individuality of each person’s journey and the well-known fact that everyone expresses themselves in their own unique way”. 

🌿 🌿 🌿 🌿 🌿
"Each life converges to some centre" 
 ~ short video clip (this poem in audio version) ~

 In life, the journey towards your goal is as valuable as the destination itself and the effort you put into it makes life amazing in every way!

COMPATIBLE or not….

Many observations clearly indicate that good friendships are heavily based on a sound compatibility, which is truly beautiful, but what is this “compatibility”?

According to definition, “compatibility refers to the ability of individuals to coexist harmoniously while respecting each other’s differences and the main signs of a good compatibility in relationships involve shared values, respectful communication, shared interests, trust, emotional connection, the willingness to compromise and a shared sense of humor, all being major factors in establishing a lasting bond between parties involved”….how simple, yet how challenging to achieve at times…

For a more careful look at this concept, here is a brief reading worth sharing further…enjoy it!

Short ARTICLE:

How to Know Which Friends to Keep

(Written by Marisa Franco, Ph.D. – former professor at Georgia State University and academic expert on friendship)

At some point, it pays to stop and discern who we really want in our life.

With the pandemic making friendships especially hard to maintain, many of us may be left wondering which of our friendships will endure, or more importantly, which of our friendships do we want to endure? Trimming friendships seems nonsensical in a society that's been getting increasingly lonely. Research finds, for example, that, our friendship networks have been shrinking over the last few decades, and we’ve been struggling to make friends. But trimming does have its benefits.

One of the benefits of trimming is that it can leave us with more time to spend with people who truly matter to us since the more friends we hold onto, the less time we may have with each of them. This is evidenced by one study that found that having more contacts was associated with spending less time talking to each one. Another study revealed, albeit obviously, that we need interaction to maintain friendship. If we’re spread too thin, we may neglect to put in face-time with friends that matter, leaving important friendships to wither. We risk ending up with a bunch of shallow friend-quittances.

Older people aren’t willing to take that risk. Socio-emotional selectivity theory finds that as we get older—we have limited time left on this earth—we turn towards relationships that feel meaningful and let go of the rest. This tends to go well for older people, as research finds that while they prune their friendships, they are more satisfied with the friendships they keep.

Older people’s friendships show us that when it comes to friendship, more isn’t always better. We can be discerning about the friends we add to our lives, by asking ourselves questions about our resources like:

- Do I have enough time for new friends amidst my other relationships and/or obligations?
- How overwhelmed am I by maintaining the friendships I already have?

Even if we do have enough time for friends, we may also trim friendships because we lack compatibility, or our friendships aren't necessarily healthy. We might ask ourselves questions to assess whether a friendship is working for us. These questions might include:
Do I feel like they are rooting for my success?  ●  Do I like who I am around them?  ●  Do I feel like myself around them?  ●  Do I typically feel energized or deflated by their company?  ●  Do they show an interest in me?

Time and compatibility are two major drivers that help us figure out which friends to keep in our lives. That means, at certain times in our life, when we have less time (e.g., when we just had kids), we may be more frugal with our friendships. That's okay. The important thing is that we are discerning rather than passive with who we keep in our life, assessing our friendships to figure out where our needs lie and navigating our friendships accordingly.

Sometimes it is not so much about how compatible you are, but rather about how you deal with given incompatibility…and that’s the real test…