Many
observations clearly indicate that good friendships are heavily based on a sound compatibility, which is truly beautiful, but what is this “compatibility”?
According to definition, “compatibility refers to the ability of individuals to
coexist harmoniously while respecting each other’s differences and the main
signs of a good compatibility in relationships involve shared values, respectful
communication, shared interests, trust, emotional connection, the willingness
to compromise and a shared sense of humor, all being major factors in
establishing a lasting bond between parties involved”….how simple, yet how challenging
to achieve at times…
For
a more careful look at this concept, here is a brief reading worth sharing
further…enjoy it!
How to Know Which Friends to Keep
(Written by Marisa Franco, Ph.D. – former professor at
Georgia State University and academic expert on friendship)
At some point, it pays to stop and discern
who we really want in our life.
With
the pandemic making friendships especially hard to maintain, many of us may be
left wondering which of our friendships will endure, or more importantly, which
of our friendships do we want to endure? Trimming
friendships seems nonsensical in a society that's been getting
increasingly lonely. Research finds,
for example, that, our friendship networks
have been shrinking over the last few decades, and we’ve been struggling to
make friends. But trimming does have its benefits.
One of the benefits of trimming is that it
can leave us with more time to spend with people who truly matter to us since
the more friends we hold onto, the less time we may have with each of them.
This is evidenced by one study that found
that having more contacts was associated with spending less time talking to
each one. Another study revealed,
albeit obviously, that we need interaction to maintain friendship. If we’re
spread too thin, we may neglect to put in face-time with friends that matter,
leaving important friendships to wither. We risk ending up with a bunch of
shallow friend-quittances.
Older people aren’t willing to take that risk. Socio-emotional
selectivity theory finds that as we get older—we have
limited time left on this earth—we turn towards relationships that feel
meaningful and let go of the rest. This tends to go well for older people,
as research finds
that while they prune their friendships, they are more satisfied with the
friendships they keep.
Older people’s friendships show us that
when it comes to friendship, more isn’t always better. We can be
discerning about the friends we add to our lives, by asking
ourselves questions about our resources like:
-
Do I have enough time for new friends amidst my other relationships and/or
obligations?
-
How overwhelmed am I by maintaining the friendships I already have?
Even if we do have enough time for
friends, we may also trim friendships because we lack compatibility, or our
friendships aren't necessarily healthy. We might ask ourselves questions to
assess whether a friendship is working for us. These questions might include:
Do I feel like they are rooting for my success? ● Do I like who I am around them? ● Do I feel like myself around them? ● Do I typically feel energized or deflated by their company? ● Do they show an interest in me?
Time and compatibility are two major
drivers that help us figure out which friends to keep in our lives. That means,
at certain times in our life, when we have less time (e.g., when we just had kids), we may be more frugal with our
friendships. That's okay. The important thing is that we are discerning rather
than passive with who we keep in our life, assessing our friendships to figure
out where our needs lie and navigating our friendships accordingly.
Sometimes it is
not so much about how compatible you are, but rather about how you deal with
given incompatibility…and that’s the real test…
